Many approaches to spiritual growth assume the same methods will produce the same growth in different people—but they don’t. Because you have been created by God as a unique person, his plan to grow you will not look the same as his plan to grow anyone else. What would grow an orchid would drown a cactus. What would feed a mouse would starve an elephant. They all need light, food, air, and water—but in different amounts and conditions. The key is not treating every creature alike; it’s finding the unique conditions that help each creature grow.
Imagine a doctor’s office where every patient is told, “Take two aspirin.” Imagine a parent who thinks, I will treat all of my children exactly the same way. They will all be motivated by the same rewards, impacted by punishment the same way, and attracted by the same activities.
If we really want to help someone flourish, we have to help them in a way that fits their uniqueness.
Our great model for this is God himself, for he always knows just what each person needs.
He had Abraham take a walk,
Elijah take a nap,
Joshua take a lap,
Adam take the rap.
He gave Moses a 40-year timeout,
He gave David a harp and a dance,
He gave Paul a pen and a scroll.
He wrestled with Jacob,
argued with Job,
whispered to Elijah,
warned Cain,
and comforted Hagar.
He gave Aaron an altar,
Miriam a song,
Gideon a fleece,
Peter a name,
and Elisha a mantle.
Jesus was stern with the rich young ruler,
tender with the woman caught in adultery,
patient with the disciples,
blistering with the scribes,
gentle with the children,
and gracious with the thief on the cross.
God never grows two people the exact same way. God is a hand-crafter, not a mass-producer.
The problem many people face when it comes to spiritual growth is that they listen to someone they think of as the expert—maybe an author or radio personality—talk about what he does and they think that’s what they’re supposed to do. When it doesn’t work for them (because they are a different person!) they feel guilty and inadequate, and often give up.
God has a plan for the me he wants me to be. It will not look exactly like his plan for anyone else, which means it will take freedom and exploration for you to learn how God wants to grow you. Spiritual growth is hand-crafted, not mass-produced. God does not do “one-size-fits-all.”
Take the practice of writing in a journal, for example. I once mentioned journaling while speaking at a conference on spiritual life and heard groans. So I asked, “How many people do not like to journal?” What amazed me was not just how many hands were raised (the vast majority). What amazed me was the speed and vehemence with which the hands were thrust into the air. I have repeated this often, always with the same results—once even at a workshop on journaling!
If you don’t like to keep a journal, here’s a thought you might like: Jesus never journaled. Neither did Abraham or Moses or Ruth. Throughout most of the history of the human race people loved God without ever picking up a paper and pencil.
In fact, in those days most didn’t have supplies to journal. Yet people still grew spiritually, examined their souls, fought sin, and learned obedience without journaling.
C. S. Lewis, one of the most influential Christians of the twentieth century, said that he kept a journal until he was converted. Then when he became a Christian, he realized that it was making him preoccupied with himself. So he stopped journaling.
Of course, if keeping a journal helps someone become more aware of God’s presence, let them journal. But it’s not for everyone. We learn differently, struggle with different sins, and relate to God in different ways.
When Jesus prayed for his disciples, he did not pray, “May they all have identical devotional practices.” He prayed, “Father, may they be one with you.” The main measure of devotion to God is not your devotional life. It’s simply your life.
Trying to grow spiritually without taking who you are into account is like trying to raise children on an assembly line. If you train an 80-pound gymnast and a 300-pound linebacker exactly the same, you will end up with two, useless 190-pound people.
I’m currently involved with an effort, called Monvee, to help people figure out how to assess their temperament, their spiritual pathway, their learning style, their season of life, their signature sin—and find a concrete way to do life from Monday to Saturday that will help someone wired like them to be connected to God and continue to grow.
If you’re looking for a conversation stopper, try asking people this question: How are your spiritual disciplines going? Most people think of a very short list of activities that fall in the “I ought to do this, but I don’t do it as much as I should so it makes me feel guilty just thinking about it” category.
So here’s an alternative question: What do you do that makes you feel fully alive?
Everybody knows what it’s like to feel fully alive, and everybody longs for that.
Maybe you feel alive when taking a long walk at sunset.
Maybe it’s reading a great book and taking time to savor its thoughts and language.
Maybe it’s having a talk with lots of laughter in front of a fire with a few close friends.
Maybe it’s watching a movie or a play that causes you to say yes to life.
Maybe it’s taking a long drive.
Maybe you love to play an instrument.
Maybe you come alive when you’re pursuing a hobby.
A spiritual discipline is simply an activity you engage in to be made more fully alive by the Spirit of Life.